Of every vice pursued by those
In folly’s by-paths rambling,
There’s none so bad in its dread close,
As the vile vice of gambling.
It taints our morals, wastes our time
And fills us with vexation.
Destroys our wealth and youthful prime,
And mars our reputation.

Out of the dusk a shadow,

Then, a spark;

Out of the cloud a silence,

Then, a lark;

Out of the heart a rapture,

Then, a pain;

Out of the dead, cold ashes,

Life again.

Editor’s note: we welcome your own verses. No experience necessary.

What on Earth to buy today? Oils, foods, drugs, you say. I ask you please to go away. The trading lately has made me mad. My P&L looks so bad. Indeed it has left me sad. The S+P is up you know. Where to next is a hard blow. For up or down it can move slow. But then it can break your back. While you’re sleeping, Asians attack. Not with missiles or with nukes, with their markets showing slack. Often I feel in a bind. This whole mess has broke my mind. My next position to unwind. Oh, serenity, may you I find.

Amit is an options trader in California.

The market leaves me feeling hazy.
The fluctuations make me crazy.
My stocks move at their own beat.
Unpredictable! Even by the street.
Another day my holdings gunned.
I think I’ll buy an index fund.

My days are quite a living hell
Until I hear that closing bell
If money’s made, then all is well
If it’s lost, I admit, I yell
(It’s hard to call the buy and sell)
If you know how, I pray, do tell

Stocks and bonds, oh me, oh my
I’d rather buy a pizza pie
Numbers, charts are quite a bore
I’d rather spend it at the store
On shoes, on pearls, on a brand new dress
(Perhaps that’s why my credit’s a mess!)

The thoughts of others
Were light and fleeting,
Of lovers’ meeting
Or luck or fame;

Mine were of trouble
And mine were steady,
So I was ready
When trouble came.

Editor’s Note: Click here to learn more about poet A.E. Houseman

Remember but a few weeks past
When your holdings took a blast
The Dow was down four-hundred plus
Don’t tell me you didn’t cuss

You prayed, “Give me once last chance–
To hedge, to trim, to reduce my stance.”
Recall when the bear seemed near
How your heart filled with ugly fear

The chance you asked for has been gifted
The Dow since then has been quite lifted
So let’s now see if you’ll stay true
To all that selling you swore you’ll do

Editor’s Note: We want your poems! Submissions welcome.

ITEM 1. Business
Blackstone (the “Company”) is engaged in the business of buying overpriced companies, loading them unsustainably with debt, and then reselling them to the greater fool. Our business is facilitated by low interest rates and inexperienced lenders with quotas to meet. In the current market environment we are pursuing larger, higher profile acquisitions than ever before in order to feed our constantly growing egos. After financially raping our corporate acquisitions, our goal is to pass them on to someone else before problems emerge. We charge exorbitant fees to our limited partner investors that are entirely disconnected to the risk we take and the value we create. Due to our prestige and aura, we are able to offer our investors the opportunity to be associated with our institution and the feeling that they are “in the game,” in place of returns truly commensurate with our fee structure. With Mr. Shwarzman’s recent appearance on the cover of Fortune magazine and the current private equity hype, there is no better time to sell an interest in the Company. Through obfuscation, legalese, selective non-disclosure, and creating the illusion of impenetrable complexity, we believe we are able to accomplish an IPO without revealing too many of our secrets. Post-IPO we will continue to run the company for the benefit of management, but that will not be apparent to our bubble-chasing shareholders.

Editor’s note: This is more prose than poetry, but what the heck. Click for more Market Poetry.