Market Poetry

By Market Poetry

To be sung to the tune of “Strangers in the Night.”
For musical accompaniment, click here.

Brokers in the night
Exchanging stock tips

Wondering in the night
What were the chances

They’d still have a job
Before the year was through

Something in their eyes
Was so suspicious

Something in their smile
Was so malicious

Something in my heart
Told me, “stay far away”

Brokers in the night

Two lonely con-men
They were brokers in the night

Up to the moment when I placed my first order
Little did I know

The scam was just a glance away, a sneaky, conniving glance away
and
Ever since that night
They’ve been in prison

Convicts at first grade, in jail forever

It turned out so wrong
For brokers in the night

[instrumental]

The scam was just a glance away, a sneaky conniving glance away

and
Ever since that night
They’ve been in prison

Convicts at first grade, in jail forever

It turned out so wrong for brokers in the night

Dooby dooby doo…

To be sung to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel’s “Mrs. Robinson”

By: Anonymous

And here’s to you, Mr. Oracle
Off the balance sheet that cash must go, wo wo wo
God bless you please, Mr. Oracle
Heaven holds a place for those who pay, hey hey hey
Hey hey hey

We’d like to have a little bit from you and your piles
We’d like to help you put that cash to work
Look around you, all you see are unattractive buys
Please dole out those mounds, until we pay our loans

And here’s to you, Mr. Oracle
Off the balance sheet that cash must go, wo wo wo
God bless you please, Mr. Oracle
Heaven holds a place for those who pay, hey hey hey
Hey hey hey

Where that cash will go no one ever knows
So put in our pockets, sense that makes
It’s a little silly, just the billions sitting there
Most of all you’ve got to pay it—I’ve got kids

Coo coo ca-choo, Mr. Oracle
Shareholders love you more than you will know, wo wo wo
God bless you please, Mr. Oracle
Heaven holds a place for those who pay, hey hey hey
Hey hey hey

Sitting on that cash in a low interest account
Unexcited by the bank’s low rate, yah
Laugh about it, shout about it
When you’ve got to choose
Every way you look at it we lose

What will you do, Mr. Oracle?
Your shareholders turn their needy eyes to you, woo woo woo
What’s that you say, Mr. Oracle?
Cheap stocks have left and gone away, so just pay
Hey hey hey